Tones, Tempos, & Tantrums — Stephen Partrick

James 3:2-10

2 For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. 3 If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. 4 Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs.5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.
How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. 7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.

We have lost our ability to communicate.
We have forfeited our opportunities for discussion and dialogue.
We have devalued one another.

I’m sorry. Forgive my aggressive tones, my quick snide remarks, and my aversion to conflict. I want to be better and I hope you do too. I want to commit to having hard conversations in a healthy, uplifting and edifying manner. I want to talk to you…I want to see you.

Tones
The widespread abuse of social media has killed our ability to communicate. We hide behind computer screens (I see the irony in this post!) and bombastically chide one another for convictions and deep rooted beliefs. The platform of comment sections have erased the consequence of tone. It is left up to the reader to discern the manner in which people post. Our tendency is to assume the worst.

Tone is important and without it, effective communication is lost. Without proper tone we cannot fully understand our neighbors and our friends. Instead we get caught up in talking over one another as a means of winning an argument or positioning ourself ahead of or smarter than the other. This is devastating to our social fabric, our families, and our churches.

As Christians, we need to remember that we are agents of reconciliation and stewards of grace. We must be willing to tame our tongues (or fingers) from delivering a message we are not intending to communicate.

Tempos
It is astounding how quickly we choose to speak. Following comment sections can be an exhausting exercise and they pile up faster than we are able to process. When it comes to our tempos, process, is the forgotten policy.

Slow down.
Think.
Process.

Then speak.

Jesus was so deliberate. When the disciples were desperate to know which of them was greater, Jesus picked up a child, tenderly set him in his lap and said, “Whoever receives this child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me receives him who sent me. For he who is least among you all is the one who is great.” He knew their intentions, he understood their motivations and he crushed their paradigm.

You have nothing to gain by adding followers or winning arguments. You have already been delivered. You have already been redeemed. You have already won and it’s ok to be last.

Tantrums
What is the most shocking is how quickly we lash out and condemn one another. Even within the church we criticize to the detriment of the body.

Don’t tirade around the Internet, don’t bombast FaceBook. Now more than ever our thoughts are captured until the end of time. Every comment, every post, every picture out there…forever. Tell a better story. Instead of reacting to tantrums with more tantrums respond in grace, love, and mercy.

Are we in controversial times…ABSOLUTELY!
Is darkness on display…YOU BET!

But, Christ is still King and the tomb is still empty. Victory has been won! He sealed it with His blood, His splinters, and a pile of garments in an abandoned grave. The white flag has been waved.

Conclusion
Friends, there are appropriate environments for every conversation. I believe that. That environment may not always be what is easiest or most convenient. Face-to-face conversations are hard. But there is beauty and sincerity exposed when you sit down with a brother or sister and walk humbly and confidently. It is difficult to misinterpret tone, lose hold of tempo, and relinquish to tantrums when we are together.

Do we need to have a voice? Yes.
Do we sometimes need to be loud? Yes.

I am not suggesting that in the face of injustice we should remain silent. In fact, that is the complete opposite of what I am saying. We must be a voice for the voiceless. We must speak up and stand out against hate, evil, and systemic injustice. If we don’t who will?

But we must remember that our Lord came as a suffering servant. If anyone had a justified reason for lashing out it is him. Innocent, perfect, selfless. He walked, crawled, weeped up the hill of injustice for someone else…for me…for you…for His Father. As a follower of Jesus, I am publicly stating with my life that I want mine to look more like His. I will flip over tables when it is appropriate but I will lay down my life (i.e. my desire to win, to be right, to earn fame) for the good of my friends (actual and digital) and the glory of the Father, the fame of the Son, by the power of the Spirit. Amen.

Am I perfect…nope! Am I consistent…not even close! But I want to steward conversations that crush darkness and triumph in light. I want to sit with people who see the world differently. I want Jesus to look at my life and think…”I taught him that!”

Here are a few passages from Scripture that speak directly to our tones, tempos, and tantrums.

James 1:19 – Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.
Matthew 15:11 – It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.
Ephesians 4:29 – Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Proverbs 15:1 – A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Galatians 5:16 – But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.